I add my own shit to the compost pile. Good gardening manure isn’t hard to find. Homes in Nepal and even trains in Sweden run off the bio-gas of the people. Prisoners in Rwanda create the electricity to light their penance with gas from their own feces. My cloister here in the woods, by the creek, won’t be so different. It means separation from Jacie, but that’s part of the process, the healing. Dedication and creation can lead to healing. She’ll miss me, she said, the only neighbor worth talking to. My apartment is empty now, next door to Jacie’s, next to the cracking parking lots and the empty Astrodome. But I can act this time. I can help fight.
I had gone to Mexico to become Mexico. Gorged on novels and histories, I caught a bus heading out of Tijuana to the real Mexico, as I saw it, armed with a pack, an unread guide book, and one idea: get yourself to Mexico City. I had no idea what I was going to do when I got there; the city was a place I only knew at a distance, but which I was sure I belonged, a place of promise. Mexico City, too, was an act of penance, a travelers debt, for I had lived in Mexico for six months when I was fifteen and learned little more than restaurant Spanish. Sure, I knew how to get a Coke, but I wanted more.